Thank you disillusionment

All those motivational quotes we pin, and songs we echo in our cars, the adages of generations past, the lingering words of your mother - They all arrive at one central idea- that giving gratitude for daily mercies and  lifelong blessings is the root to all beauty and happiness.

I am quick to complain about so much. I worry about my dreams not being met. I constantly calculate my income to bills ratio with anxiety and frustration. Sometimes it takes another's humble surroundings to really give you that slap of reality. I have a home to go to; one that I own. I have a toilet and running water so that I need not relieve myself in the mud. I am able to purchase food when there isn't a home cooked meal on my stove. I had the opportunity to receive a high-class education. I was able to quit my job and pursue my dream career. I have parents who have given me everything without the expectation of anything being returned. It does not always click to me that there are thousands of people living right next to me who look to these basic abilities as though they are unreachable.

There is a very special woman who is currently going through a seriously trying time in her life. I have never met someone so loving and kind and thoughtful and bright and honest and gentle-- and today I went to her home. If such a grateful and beautiful soul could survive in such surroundings, then I have no excuses. Our hardships make us stronger and better people. Instead of complaining about them we should be grateful to have overcome them and look back with appreciation.

Alanis was on to something- One of the most beautifully written songs.

"How bout getting off these antibiotics?
How bout stopping eating when I’m full up?
How bout them transparent dangling carrots? 
How bout that ever elusive "Could have"? 

Thank you India. 
Thank you terror. 
Thank you disillusionment. 
Thank you frailty. 
Thank you consequence. 
Thank you, thank you silence. 

How bout me not blaming you for everything? 
How bout me enjoying the moment for once? 
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you? 
How bout grieving it all one at a time ?

The moment I let go of it was the moment 
I got more than I could handle. 
The moment I jumped off of it 
was the moment I touched down. 

How bout no longer being masochistic? 
How bout remembering your divinity? 
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out? 
How bout not equating death with stopping? 

Thank you India. 
Thank you providence. 
Thank you disillusionment. 
Thank you nothingness. 
Thank you clarity. 
Thank you thank you silence."